“Sometimes, as much as I love Brady, being a mother just isn’t enough. I miss my job” _ Cynthia Nixon as Miranda Hobbs (SITC2)
I love this scene in the movie, even though it was acting, that was a real sentiment that I’m sure came from real experiences.
Growing up I wanted to be a mom and a wife more than anything else. It was bigger than any other dream I had and boy did I have other dreams. I’m not sure what it was that was so appealing about it, but it was all I could think about.
Fast forward to several years later and two kids in, I started to feel empty and unfulfilled. I was doing the mommy thing not really thinking about much else. ( Those little people were a handful, so my time was consumed with being there for them.) Whenever people would tell me how great of a mom I was I would smile and say thank you, but deep down there was this longing to be more than that. One day I had to really be honest with myself and admit that I wasn’t happy. I wanted more than to just be a mother.
Wanting more is a funny thing, it just creeps up on you when you least expect it. That is absolutely what happened to me.
Don’t get me wrong, I loved being a mom and I love my babies more than anything. There was just a point where I realized I had so much more to offer, that there was so much more to who I was. I had these nagging dreams and passions that were dormant inside of me and they would not go away.
So now here I am, someones mommy and feeling so lost. On top of that I felt guilty because God had blessed me with this amazing life. I had an amazing husband and two beautiful children and that should be enough. It wasn’t enough though, because I was unfulfilled which made me very unhappy. Navigating this place in my life was very difficult. There were years where I struggled to figure out who I was and what I wanted.
The good news is I didn’t stay in that place, even though it seemed like I was there forever. I am at a point in my life now that I can talk about it. I know for sure that there is another mother or person out there that may be in the same position.
The biggest thing I want you to know is, even though feeling guilty is natural…
YOU DON’T HAVE TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT WANTING MORE FOR YOURSELF.
WANTING MORE DOESN’T MEAN YOU’RE NOT GRATEFUL FOR WHAT YOU HAVE.
Once you settle these things, you are one step closer to moving forward and figuring out what ‘More’ is.
So what’s next?
What’s next is you figuring out what your ‘More’ is, which is probably the hardest part of this process. ‘More’ doesn’t necessarily mean material things. It can be going back to school and finishing your degree, starting a business or getting in shape. More could be dealing with something internally that has plagued you your whole life, being free and having peace. It could mean a lot of different things for different people. Whatever it is, GO AFTER IT WITH EVERYTHING YOU HAVE!
For me it was having a sense personal accomplishment. This included pursuing some of the dreams I had put away once I got married and became a mother. I realized that part of my own self-care was to be fulfilled in this area and that I was the best version of myself when I began to pursue these things. I wanted to leave something my kids could be proud of and teach them to never give up on their dreams! No matter what!
This process can be challenging, it can feel like you have wasted so much time. You may even feel like there’s no point in pursuing your dreams. Take if from me, it’s never too late, I have something that makes my soul happy and gives me so much Joy. I have a long way to go, but everyday I look forward to what is next. It has helped me find new meaning and purpose; it has even helped me be a better mommy. Girl, If I can do it so can YOU!
Sharing my story is important to me, because I want to help women live their best lives. Being a mom can feel lonely sometimes, we put so much into our children and families that we completely forget about ourselves. Our identity and worth gets wrapped up in being there for them, but one day they won’t need us anymore and they’ll be gone. What will we have then?
I believe that we as women need to have a judgment free community of support. This is a place where you can freely share your experiences, struggles or wisdom and you will be loved and embraced. Share your story with me in the comments.