What I’ve Learned After 12 Years of Motherhood

Motherhood is probably the wildest roller coaster ride I think I have ever been on.  That is mainly because it doesn’t really stop or slow down.  You don’t get someone telling you to hold on and fasten your seat belt.  And you definitely don’t get anyone to tell you to enjoy the ride.  LOL! 

 

Being a mom is one of life’s greatest teachers.  You start out as a complete novice, not knowing what to do, or think, or to say.  You have this little baby and a heart full of love like you have never felt before.  There is no manual and no book that can tell how to be a good mother.  Motherhood is definitely a learn on the job type of situation.  Everything you need is already inside of you, but you just don’t know it yet.  

 

I am still learning everyday and I am sure there is a lot I don’t know, but I have learned so much after 13 years.  Enough wisdom that I just had to share in a blog post.

 

The funny thing is, this blog post would be way too long if I put EVERYTHING i’ve learned in it.  I decided to narrow it down to the things that stand out to me the most.

 

Here’s What I’ve Learned After 13 Years of Motherhood:

 

Every Child Is Different

It doesn’t matter how many kids you have; each one of them will have a completely different personality and different love languages.  Being intentional about making sure each child feels seen and accepted does so much for your relationship and for their growth and confidence.

 

Perfection Is Not The Goal

I think I tell myself this everyday.  Look, I am a perfectionist by nature and this is something I have struggled with for so many years.  I want to look perfect, I want my house to look like it’s on the cover of a magazine, I want everything in its place and it drives me crazy when it’s not.  Well, when kids come into the picture life is anything but perfect.  That was a lesson I learned swiftly.  When I strived for perfection my life was so uncomfortable and I was always frustrated and upset.  When I started to relax and go with the flow, my life was so much more peaceful, and my children were much happier.  Relax, it’s ok if your couch pillows aren’t perfectly fluffed.  (Talking to myself here).

 

Be Present

My oldest son just turned thirteen and I can still remember the moment he was born like it was yesterday.  Our kids grow up so fast, it’s crazy how the time goes.  One minute they’re sweet little babies, and then you blink and you have teenagers. Focus on not just mom, but being present in every single moment. That means putting your phone down and getting rid of all the distractions so you can be 100% present and available.  It can be challenging, but it’s so worth it.   This is probably one of the most valuable things I’ve learned after all these years.   

 

Take it Day by Day

When you’re a mom everyday is different and each one brings a new challenge.  What has really helped me is taking each day as it comes and not letting myself become overwhelmed by the bigger picture.  If you think about all of the things to come down the line, you will want to give up before you even start.  

 

 

collage of me and kids 1

 

 

Do What Works Best For You

There is a lot of advice out there; a lot of books telling what you need to do and people that act like their opinions are law and their experiences are the only ones.  Even with all that, you have to do what works best for you and your family.  Everything won’t be good for you and everything might not work for your baby and that’s ok.  Don’t feel pressure to be like anyone else.  Do what’s best for you and your children and everything else will fall into place.

 

Deal With Childhood Issues

I heard someone say, ‘childhood trauma is adulthood drama’.  That is one of the truest statements.  When you don’t deal with things that happened to you in your childhood, it will more than likely affect your kids directly or indirectly.  Your best bet is to do some serious soul searching and introspection.  Get you some therapy/counseling and tackle those things as soon as possible.  Trust me when I tell you!

 

Don’t Do It Alone

If you don’t listen to anything else I say, listen to this.  You can’t do motherhood alone! You just can’t.  Your success in this journey hinges on your support system and having a community that you trust.  You’re going to need to know you’re not alone and that other women are going through the same things.  We were created to need people, and being a mother doesn’t make us exempt from this.  I think we might need it a lot more.  Just sayin!

 

SELF-CARE  is URGENT CARE

Need I say more? You mom, I’m talking to you! If you don’t take care of yourself, you will be no good to anyone.  We can just keep going and going until we have nothing left to give, but you really can’t pour from an empty cup.  It is imperative that you listen to your body, and your heart.  If you are tired, go to sleep; if you are hurting, take time and invest in your healing; if you are feeling unfulfilled , it’s time to dig up those dreams that have been buried; and if your nail polish is chipped, go get a manicure.  Do you see where I’m going with this?  TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!

 

Thirteen years of being a mom have probably been tougher than any bachelor’s degree program I ever attempted in college, but it has helped shape me into the woman I am.  I am embarking on a whole new series of lessons now as I enter into “the teenage years”.  Please send help and wine!  Lots and lots of wine!

 

Happy Mother’s Day to all of my beautiful moms!

 

I’d love to hear some of the things that being a mom has taught you, which one stands out to you the most?

 

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